Bartenders occupy a special place in our society: they make mostly tips and phone numbers, yet we don’t have for them the derision that we do for other working-class jobs, like waiters or carwash jockeys. It could have something to do with the fact that they control our ability to get drunk – which is, frankly, astoundingly important – or maybe their willingness to hit on anything that moves for a few measly bucks, or perhaps their simple elegance of movement from customer to customer, drink to drink, without a second glance or thought. Whatever makes up their je ne sais quoi, the fact remains that bartenders have a special place in our hearts.

Of course, in addition to having romanticized personalities, they can make decent money if they’re any good (and if they work at a hip, upscale locale, which is based more on luck than anything else). Of course, it takes more than just will to get behind the bar – you need to take the proper steps if you want to make a career out of it. If you want to learn how to become a bartender, you’d better follow some semblance of the steps below, lest you wind up at a crappy college bar for the rest of your – definitely more miserable – days.

Step 1: Polish Your People Skills

While learning how to become a bartender requires a certain amount of drink knowledge, I’ve been told that, in most places, you won’t need to know more than 30 drinks or so, about five of which will be local specials. The rest will be served at every other bar in existence (Tequila Sunrise) and/or have the ingredients in the name (Rum and Coke, Vodka Sprite, etc.) so don’t worry so much about that.

No, the biggest facet of bartending that I’ve seen is the ability to communicate with people, and thus keep them coming back. See, being a bartender is like any other sales job: you have to make people like you. The more they like you, the more they want to talk to you and tip you. It’s simple, really.

This can mean a number of things, depending on your venue, from: listening to problems/doling out advice, to smiling at everything that walks through the door, to occasionally pretending that the big chick at the end of the bar might have a shot with you. Overall, the better your people skills, the more money your make (the happier your boss will be), and the longer you’ll keep the job.

Step 2: Learn to Be Somebody’s Bitch

This will be hard for those of you with dreams of springing straight into the glamorous world of bartending to hear, but here goes: you’re probably not going to get a job behind the bar straight away; at least not in the way you’re thinking. Believe it or not, bartender is a highly coveted position among employees of certain establishments, and, if you want to make it there, you’re going to have to work for it.

The most likely start is a barback, which, like the name suggests, involves some seriously backbreaking work. All night, every night you work, you’ll be fetching ice, refilling wells, and carting kegs all about. It’s tough, thankless, and you’ll most likely be fired on the spot if you even think of serving a drink.

Another possibility if the bar in question is at a restaurant, is starting anywhere else on the ladder. That way, if a bartending job opens up, you’ll be right in line to grab it. Of course, as anyone who has worked at a restaurant will tell you, the work is crappy and poorly paid, for the most part.

The point that you should take away from all this is that, if you want to bartend, you need to be okay with working your way up. Nobody wants somebody with unproven dedication in charge of all the establishment’s alcohol.

Step 3: Learn to Work Under Pressure

So it’s 2 a.m., the bar is packed to the rafters, and some slob spills an entire beer into your eyes. What do you do? If your answer is anything but, “nut up and keep slinging drinks,” then that’s wrong. A bartender has to be constantly on his toes, consistently ready to deal with whatever comes through the door. You have to have physical endurance and mental fortitude. Sue, it may look easy to simply pour drink after drink, but the bartenders I know are some of the toughest, most jaded individuals in existence. They have to be – they wouldn’t last very long in the biz otherwise.

Start by trying to cook and serve drinks for friends and families at parties. This will give you an idea of what it’s like to have people depending on you for sustenance, without the additional pressure of having them be strangers, and help you learn how to become a bartender.

Step 4: Attend Bartending School (?)

So, here’s the rub: bartending school might actually hurt your chances of getting a bar job. Sure, it’s good practice and everything, but someone who lists “bartending school” on their resume clearly has a) No experience bartending, and b) Some misconstrued, textbook example of what it means to stand behind the bar. Think of it like this: if you had to choose between two people to be a lion-tamer for your new zoo, would you choose the one who knows nothing, is willing to be taught, and has a healthy fear of lions, or the person who studied lions in books for a year and thinks he already knows what he is doing, and won’t listen to anything you say to the contrary? Unless you enjoy watching new hires mauled to death, probably the former, right? Same principle.

Plus, if you’re looking for a job, bartending school isn’t free. It’s your call, but I’d say you should avoid it entirely.

Step 5: Actually Get a Job at a Bar

Here is where the culmination of all your skills comes to fruition. Again, be prepared to start at the bottom, but make sure the manager knows you are motivated and willing to work your ass off. It helps to know someone at the establishment in question, but not everyone has that obvious luxury.

A real tip here is to look for places that are brand-spanking new, or just about to open. They don’t have any well-established bartenders in place to prevent you from moving up, and will thus be keener to the idea of having you on as one.

Those are my top tips for becoming a bartender. Happy serving, sir.